You Might Live Next To A Pontooner

For some of us living in sun-starved northern states, January and February can be two of the longest months on the calendar. Sure the boat shows help during that time of year, but there were a couple of days this past winter where I started to question if it would ever warm up again. Despite my doubts I’m happy to report as we roll past May we are now officially into the long-anticipated boating season. Yeah! As a boater I anticipate the month of June as much as my wife craves a half-off shoe sale.

Summer is finally here – you know, that time of year where we abandon our homes and leave our neighbors wondering where we go for the next 15 weekends or so. For our “winter neighbors” this can be a very confusing time, especially if they’re not boaters themselves.

So in order to relieve some of that confusion, I’ve compiled a short list for the non-boaters out there to help them identify whether or not they live next door to a pontoon boat owner (in case they haven’t figured it out on their own just yet). If you think your neighbors might struggle with this, feel free to share the list with them. With apologies to Jeff Foxworthy for borrowing his well-known format, here is what I came up with:

If your neighbor doesn’t take a lot of road trips, yet because of his weekend commute he’s replacing his truck’s tires more often than Kyle Busch, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your neighbor missed your daughter’s wedding because she wrongfully scheduled it on a weekend between Memorial Day and Labor Day, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your kids have ever complained that their next-door friends got to miss school for a week in April because the weather was just too nice not to be at the lake, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your neighbor can’t remember your first name, yet she can name every kid and grandkid of all her dock neighbor’s family (and their birthdays), you might live next to a pontooner.

If your buddy does all of his weekend chores in the summer on Wednesday nights, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your local pastor has ever reported your neighbors missing to the authorities, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your neighbor’s kids are in every possible extracurricular activity from dancing to soccer from September to May, yet don’t sign up for a single thing in the summer, you might live next to a pontooner.

If you’ve ever attempted to borrow a tool from your neighbor, only to discover he keeps them all at the marina, you might live next to a pontooner.

If every party you’ve ever been to at your neighbor’s house (including Christmas time) was luau-themed, you might live next to a pontooner.

If your neighbor has ever claimed seasonal depression as the reason he put buoys around his car, you might live next to a pontooner.

If the marina owners were invited to your neighbor’s anniversary party but you weren’t, you might live next to a pontooner.

Brady L. Kay,
Pontoon & Deck Boat Editor