By Brady L. Kay
I stand by my statement that boaters are some of the friendliest and most helpful people you’ll ever come across. What’s in their cooler is yours and if you’re having a problem with your engine, they’re quick to grab their tools and offer to take a look. Forget your sunblock? It’s not a problem; some boater will have your back and will be glad to lend you a bottle.
ONLINE you’re a sellout for buying from a different manufacturer this year.
ON WATER you’re not afraid to try different things and look at other builders.
ONLINE you hang out with a bunch of drunk losers.
ON WATER you guys are the last of a dying breed of party animals, keep it up!
ONLINE your pontoon is a piece of junk.
ON WATER it’s not important what you own as long as you’re on the water.
ONLINE your manufacturer is a silver-spoon billionaire who bought the company just because he could.
ON WATER your manufacturer is part of the capitalist system that made this country great.
ONLINE you wouldn’t know a map if Captain Jack Sparrow read it to you.
ON WATER it’s great that you rely on your nautical instincts.
ONLINE your kids are out of control and a nuisance to everyone at the sandbar.
ON WATER it’s great that you just let your kids play and explore on their own.
ONLINE you’re a perverted lush who has rubbed up against more coeds than a sorority-house beagle.
ON WATER you obviously understand the importance of connecting and being a mentor to today’s youth.
ONLINE you think you have NASCAR skills out on the water but you’re really just a maniac who is out there putting lives in peril.
ON WATER you can tell you really know how to get the most performance out of your pontoon.
ONLINE your guests are water patrol-baiting loudmouths who need to get a life.
ON WATER your guests are outgoing and are well-known by others.
ONLINE your dealer is a bloodthirsty madman who ought to be handcuffed for some of the antics that he pulls.
ON WATER your dealer is old school.
ONLINE your new touchscreen is a complete bust.
ON WATER it takes awhile to get comfortable with the intricacies of the system, but you’ll get it figured out soon.
ONLINE you’re an idiot to live in such a cold state that your boating season falls on a weekend.
ON WATER you’re lucky to live in a beautiful area that gives you different seasons.
ONLINE your mechanic is a single-toothed, liquor-soaked, foulmouthed vermin that real vermin cross the street to avoid.
ON WATER your mechanic is fiercely loyal to his job.
ONLINE your magazine editor writes crazy columns that no one can relate to.
ON WATER your magazine editor is right-on this month.
