The definition of milestone is an action or event marking a significant change or stage in development. I guess this month qualifies as a milestone for me as I reluctantly acknowledge my birthday and another successful trip around the sun.

I also recently celebrated my 25th anniversary at Harris Publishing and even though this gig as publisher and editor of Pontoon & Deck Boat magazine comes with a lot of great perks, I still face day-to-day challenges like everyone else. The reality that I’m getting older is hitting me a little harder this year as the candles continue to pile on my cake. But with my big “milestone” day coming up, I was recently asked what I wanted for my birthday. I simply replied, “The Perfect Day.”

6:01—Smash alarm clock with two-iron.

9:19—Wake up on my own.

9:20—My wife brings me breakfast in bed. Enjoy wholesome breakfast of pizza and cheese fries. Forget to eat anything good for my colon.

9:39—Wipe my face on the guest towels.

9:41—Get an update in my news feed that Pontoon & Deck Boat magazine is being recognized once again as the number one trusted source in the boating industry.

9:43—Forget to do crunches. Forget to shave. Take one-hour shower.

10:53—Put on shorts, favorite ratty PDB Shootout T-shirt and my beloved Chicago Bears hat.

10:55—Dealership delivers navy blue Ford F-350 diesel pickup truck with the latest tubes and water toys overflowing in the back.

11:01—Exhilarating drive to the lake on state highway patrols’ National Give A Warning Day.

11:11—Local marina finishes detailing my new pontoon and brings it to the launch ramp fully gassed and loaded with the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models already on board.

11:15—Head out on the water with the family to enjoy the warm sunshine on a cloudless day.

11:17—Drive past the docks at the marina that are full of boats still in their slips and realize all go-fast boat owners have to work today.

12:15 pm—Play king of the watermat with the SI supermodels. Understanding wife just smiles.

2:55—Stop at the sandbar and have barbecue with members from the 1985 Chicago Bears Super Bowl team. Lunch consists of grilled steaks and the Super Bowl Shuffle. Current Chicago players tag along and are tutored on how to finish the job this season.

3:55—Mike Ditka apologizes to me for not giving Walter Payton an opportunity to score in Super Bowl XX.

4:15—Team up with Larry the Cable Guy for a water fight against his Blue Collar Comedy Tour friends.

5:02—Watch dejected Ron White cry after loss.

5:26—Get mobbed by my YouTube fans as I load my pontoon onto my custom-built trailer.

5:33—Scratch off winning lottery ticket and win several million dollars when I stop for a Cherry Coke at the gas station before the drive home.

5:34—Call the president of Harris Publishing and purchase the company over the phone.

5:35—Inform my former boss that he now works for me and that he shouldn’t make any plans for the weekend.

6:02—Stop by newly acquired home and shower to remove 95 SPF sun block from my tan back.

7:02—Put on Pontoon & Deck Boat T-shirt and my worn-in jeans.

7:34—Restaurant maitre d’ compliments me on adhering to the new no-collared-shirt rule that is in place just for pontooners.

7:36—Fettuccine Alfredo pasta is ready for me as I sit down to dinner. Share table with Warren Buffett, who exchanges insider stock tips.

8:15— Scarlett Johansson invites me to the first screening of her latest movie, which features a 30-minute chase scene with twin engine performance pontoon boats.

10:11—Par-5 length limo picks me up at the theater to take me home. Get a call from a pontoon boat manufacturer who asks if they can incorporate my new ingenious ideas into their Big K high-end luxury boat line.

10:53—Hear on news as I’m getting ready for bed that the Ukraine and Russia conflict is officially over and peace has been restored.

10:54—Watch Walter Payton highlights while eating nachos in bed.

12:22 am—Forget to floss.